All the Crying

Of late, I realise how much of a nothing that I am without God. It isnt even funny, how much of a mess I am in. Truly. But thats not my point. I often want to do so much for God and I feel like should be able to do it now. Right now at this second. You stand next to people who are 'perfect' and you see all your flaws and dissappointments. You see how truly inadequate you are and feel like you are not good enough. I am telling you, it happens to me. I wish that my growth would happen faster.

I sometimes look at the response people have when I worship lead to when others do. I compare who does a better job and deam myself not 'good enough'. I tell myself that there is something wrong with me. That the Spirit of God really isnt with me because the 'superspiritual' get a superspiritual response. That what i do or say is never good enough. What if I say the wrong thing. What if the word I think I hear God say is really what I am telling myself. Is God really with me?

We view most people and dont realise that these questions are things that come up. We sometimes never feel like we are good enough. We down on ourselves because we were not the Christian that called us to. That even though we are willing, it just never happens. We are dissappointed because to us God could never be as pleased with us as he is with the ones we deam as perfect. As the ones who really live the life of perfection. Why do we even bother. We feel like no one understands how we feel. That we go through these things all by ourselves and that we are the only ones who feel this way. We allow the fact that we think no one understands us, discourage us from talking about it. From letting people know how we feel. We feel left out of all the things that 'super holy' people should be involved in. We feel worthless. However...

We forget that probably the only one who understands is God. He sees our tears and our pain. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He understands our make up, he understands why we think the way we do, he understands why we cry for things that people think are stupid. He understands why sometimes we need to be alone. He understands our desire and passion for him. He knows our heart. And I know sometimes he feels like a distant friend our family member who we can only talk to on occasion but i encourage you to change that mindset. God is forever with us. He is always closer than we think. We must continuously run to him. When we dont feel him near we seek him harder. In the times when we feel worthless we search his words and fiind that we are fearfully ad wonderfully made. We search and see that He knows the plans He has for us. God has created us with purpose and plan. We were not by chance. We were not by accident. And I know it is not easy to not compare ourselves to others. Believe me I still do it and its the reason for the blog. We must know who we are in Christ and believe that we are His. Believe that his purpose for us is very important to the furtherance of His kingdom and that it needs you to be established. I pray that God Blesses you and reveals to you the plans he has for you. That you are worth more to him than you could think. That of He had to die for you only He would. Believe it by faith and watch God prove it.

God Bless you.