Another thingy!

I have run out of things to write


My words no longer seem sufficient

Being silent in your presences is all I can do

I cry, I bow, I say oh God

But that’s all I can do

Your presence is so rich in my life

I no longer know how to express it

So when I say my very heart beats for you

The very breath that I take is for you

It is out of not knowing what to do anymore

Father I truly give you everything

All of me

It’s the only way I know how to worship anymore

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God

I love you, I worship you, I adore you

There is none before you

There is none after you

There is none greater than you

There is none who can compare to you.

There is no one so Holy

There is no one so beautiful

There is no one as faithful

There is no one who loves me like you do

There is truly no one

God how I love you

August 25th 2010 2

How I worship you

How I declare your greatness

How I exalt you

How I extol you

Hosanna in the highest

Be magnified

Be glorified

Be lifted up

Oh God

All glory all honour and all praise be unto you

The Great I am

Lord, Saviour, friend

How excellent is your name in all the earth.



Blessings!

Sigh!!!!!! 2

So what do you do when you don't feel like praying? When the feelings of hurt, pain, disgust, resentment, hatred, envy and defeat take over? The very feelings you ask God to get rid of in you, because you know you cannot do it on your own. What do you do when they come. What do you do when although you experience the favour of God on and in your life, the disappointments seem to out weigh them? When you feel as if no one cares? Although you know that God does in theory. You know God loves you, he cares and that he is working on you in theory? What do you do when you feel so unloved, uncared for and overlooked that you cry yourself to sleep most nights. Even though you still trust in the fact that you know God is with you and he will get you through it. How do you deal with the fact that everyone else is happy in their being blessed and in seems contiuous? That there not so happy times come few and far between and the ast a lot shorter than yours. How do you beieve that their is potential in you, when no one else seems to see it and notice it? How do you go through life when it seems that once your happy, something bad is soon coming> Something that disappoints you, hurts you so much that you start wondering if it would be easier in the world. How do you not use a measure your life against others because it is about you and God and not you and anyone else. How do you deal with changes in you not being noticed? How do you deal with the issues that arise when you try your best to do everything right or try your best and it is never acknowledged? When everything you had went into it and it is looked at as nothing? How do you deal with not being able to diffrenciate between your heart and the voice of God? How do you deal?

If I had the answers to these questions I probably would not have been writing this blog. At present, t is exactly how I feel. And I know people care. I know people love me. I know they are there. I still feel this way. I know it all in theory. I understand it because it is said. I guess i just dont feel it.

The only thing I know is that the promises of God are sure. That they stand and are sure. So is is the only thing I can put my faith in. It is the only thing that keeps me going. The promises of God are true! So no matter what you are going through or feel now, God sees you, he hears your crying and he promises that it will get better.
God said it and that settles it!

My Testimony Part #4

So yes..The Academy award could have gone to me. My double standard life was working out well. I could fit in with the Christians and I could fit in with the not to Christian. I was living it up! Or so i thought. In January of 2008, I was on my way to a practice for the school's choir when the car that I was in got into an accident. I was in the front seat and had just put on my seat belt and closed my eyes. By the time i reopened them, the car had already hit and people were screaming. I flew out of the car so fast and checked to see if I was bleeding anywhere.  I wasnt and so I started checking on everyone else in the car. Just to make sure everyone was alright. They were. That day was a long was a long one. Many things went through my head but I remember telling God that I would never sin ever again. And I was so serious. I had made up my mind to start living for Jesus.

And i did. For like a week. I was back to my old self once I got over the initial shock of almost being killed. I was so over it. So it was back to the pornography watching, double life living me. And again I was cool.

The end results

I prayed a pray today that had even me shocked. Today was the beginning of midterm week and I was asked to pray for my class today before we began. I praed that our results would reflect the time spent studying for the exam. I prayed that pray to my detriment. I am a crammer. And so a few hours before the exam is when i realised the extent of the work we have done over the las seven weeks. I studied as hard as I could but I know that I would have done a lot better if i had studied and not crammed.

Like me and my exam today, we dont put in the work and expect the best result in the end. I visited a church sometime a back and a woman was giving a testimony. The one thing that stood out to me was when she said we often give a Cain sacrifice and expect Abel's blessing. Hmm. Interesting isnt it. We never give God our all, our best, yet we always expect his best. We always expect him to shower us with blessings we do nothing to deserve. My challenge is simply this, dont give God some slap dash work, or devotion and expect the best from him. You must give Abel's sacrifice to get Abel's blessings. God Bless you! 

My Testimony Part #3

While being in the choir, I developed a facination with late night television. The type that is not fitting for a Christian. I would come home late from rehearsals, sit in front of the television, and the most entertaining thing on television to me were the pornographic material that plagues the te;levision at those hours. I told myself it was ok, because I only watch it for the story line or its how I'm learning about sex, or I'm just watching it, I wont do it. And that became my song. I would feel so convicted after the fact, I would repent and then got the same thing again. It was now a habbit that I did not want to break.

So soon enough, the most important thing to me was this choir. Traveling not only around the country but around the world and I was happy. I was out of my house, around people who I soon began to imitate. I did not want to become like them but I had to fit in and it was the only way I know how. The year I strted college was an awesome one for me. It was bitter sweet because on the good side, I would be away from home, have control of finances intrusted to me and be in charge of my own life. The bitter part being that I would be away from the choir and it would suck not being around people who have grown to be friends.

I began school wondering how I was going to cope. I lived on campus, with a bunch of 'super Holy' people, who didnt seem t have a life outside of God. The frumpy type Christians. I was determined to be comfortable in both environments and soon I was the best actor ever. I knew how to fit in on campus witht he superholy and off with the not so Holy ones.

Thank you God

Why is it that we ever worry? Is there truly a reason. God promised that he would take care of us. Its in His Word. The very thing He holds over his very name. Why then do we worry. God knows, I have 2 dollare in my bank account. This two dollars to last me the rest of the month. At this point I would be panicing, because I have lots of traveling to do and I should have food to buy. I told God that I refuse to fuss and I refuse to worry. I told Him that was his to work out. This morning my Dad called me to tell me he will be putting money in my account tomorow. In the middle of them month. Thats not normal. It really isnt. So I want to thank God for taking care of me. For helping me to understand that He cannot lie. That He cares about me and you. So I challenge you not to worry. If God said it that settles it! No devil in hell can steal what is rightfully yours. Claim it the name of Jesus and watch him do it!

My Testimony Part #2

In Form three, I joined a choir that traveled quite a lot. Everyone new them and I wanted to be known. They were very talented and I would have loved to be classed with them. It would be awesome. Sure enough (because of my good looks and charm..lol..oh and because I could sing) I was accepted into this group of talented young people. It was awesome. I traveled all over with this group. Washington, Hollywood, Guyana; and these were just the places i went with the group. They did a whole lot more traveling. Living the dream right? How is this relevant. The choir was a singing and dancing choir, whose repertoire consited of not ony Gospel but all types of songs and dance moves. (Both fitting for a Christian and unfitting). I was a bit stomped at first because Christians dont dance this way or sing this. I at no time though thought about dropping out. This was the opportunity of a life time.

Soon enough I began to justify every decision, every song and every dance move that I know wasnt to Christian. I made myself believe that music is music and once outside of this I live a life that is Christian, that i was safe. And i truly believed it. The group was pretty active so we have to sing almost everyweek. Saturday especially and soon enough, it became too much for me to wake on a Sunday morning for church after getting in at 2 or 3 am the morning. So I just stopped. I didnt go to church and I was ok with it. No guit. I still read my bible occassionally and prayed once in awhile. I was cool. See next post...

My Testimony Part #1

In the year 2003, February to be exact, I decided to give my life to God. I had no idea what it entailed, I just knew, that on that day of Carnival Camp I had to. And I did. One that sae though, myself and a few others who also gave themselves to God almost drowned. It was quite traumatic for some but I just remember having this peace. It was so weird. It was like I knew that if I died, I would go to Heaven and I was ready. We were rescued and it was quite an interesting rest of camp.
 I came back from camp a changed woman. I started converts class and I was excited to be baptized into the faith. Of course still not knowing what to expect. My converts class was someone different in that the hurch had started one on one classes and I was assigne someone to go through a booklet with me. That didnt last long and i dont think that I even finished mine. I assumed because i wasnt finished that i would not get baptized because my mother needed to know that I was ready. (Even though I told her I was a long time before). The Saturday before I got bapptized I confirmed that I was and so for me I was back on track. So I was happy.
The issue with that was that I thought being a Christian and being baptized was all there was to it. And if this is so then it is easy. I dont see why people make a big fuss. I was in Secondary school at the time and I did everything a good Christian would do. I stopped cursing and tried to stop lieing because in my mind (because I grew up in a Christian environment) that there was nothing else to do. Christianity was easy right. Nothing to it. Boy was I mistaken. Stay tuned for the others!

Checking my motives

Why do we serve God? Is it because by doing so we stay out of hell? Is it because if we dont we wont be blessed? Is it because we know that it is the right thing to do? Why do we really serve God? Do we serve God with conditions? If he does this much for me, I will pray this much?I found myself asking this question the day after i did spomething really stupid. If my motives for following Gog were as superficial as the answers to these questions ,then i would never really live as God called us to; Holy. If my motivation for serving God is not going to hell then i am suceptabl to sin anytime and beg for forgiveness soon after and go back to it again. If it is because of the blessings that come what happens in the times when God chooses not to bless you? If it is because it is the right ting to do what happens in the days we dont want to or feel like doing the right thing. And when God chooses to go off the radar and be quiet, do we quit praying until he does something to 'deserve our pray'? 

When Jesus made the decision to die for us inspite of the pain and suffering he went through, he didnt do it because he was forced. He didnt do it to prove he could live after death. Jesus died because he loved us. He died because he wanted us to live. Jesus sacrificed himself for sinners like us. Persons that he wasnt sure would live for him. I dont know about you but anyone who can sacrifice themselves for me is someone i would do the same for. Jesus became nothing. He was persecuted, beaten and he suffered so that we dont have to. I really had to check myself and my motives after this revelation hit. Do I truly love God or am i terrified of death? I challenge us to check ourmotives. Is it a selfish one that is only thinking about self presevation of is it that we are moved to serve God because we love him. What motivates you?  

The Favour of God is upon me and I'm going up!

We often experience the favour of God and dont even really recognise it. This weekend I told God that i wont ask for favour because i know as a child of God it is already mine. However I made a concious decision to look out for it this weekend and Wow, God has been good. I had an interview on Friday to begin my counseling internship so that i could graduate in the May next year. I left a very crucial document for that meeting at school and had no way of getting it before the meeting began. I kept saying though, God favour. Your favour. I went into the meeting quite comfortable because i know the God i serve and what he is capable of. The entire meeting went by without him asking for the letter and I was happy. But then to my horror, one of my classmates (also there for the same reason) asked if he would like the letters. I began to think Lord, have mercy and for a second i began to doubt. To my surprise, one of my classmates had a copy of the document that I needed and handed it in for me. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Talk about favour. I could help but think, God truly is and awesome God. His favour contiued on through the entire weekend. I have so much to be thankful for.

It did have me think though, how often do we experience the favour of God and not notice. We dont even thank God for his goodness and choosing to bless us. God is truly and awesoe God who cares about us and wants nothing but the best for us. I challenge us today to really meditate on our days and acknowledge the goodness of God. Really see where if it wasnt for his favour we would fall short. See where there is nothing that we can do without him and how lost we would be without his direction. I challenge you to take notice of these things and thank God for them. He deserves it!

A Choice

A choice

It all boils down to a choice

We choose to live in sin

We choose to disobey

We choose to fulfil our selfish desires

We choose

But what if Jesus chose

Not to die

What if because Jesus knew

That we would still sin

He chose not to die

He chose to fulfil his human desire

He decided that we were not worth it

What if

What if God decided not to send his Son?

What if God decided that we were not worth it?

What if

What if the victory wasn’t already won?

And the hearts and the minds of all men were cold

Would you still be here?

Would you be alive or dead?

Considered this

God chose to send Jesus

Who chose to die

Who chose us over himself.

He chose to give us the Holy Spirit

So that we would not be lost

So isn’t it selfish of us to

Choose to do as we please

To choose not to die to self

To choose ourselves over him

He did it for us why can’t we for him.

It all boils down to a choice

Well I have weighed my options

And I have chosen

I have chosen life

Over death

I have chosen

To be loyal to Jesus

I have chosen to be faithful

Have chosen to be obedient

I choose to deny myself

I choose to take up my cross

I choose to follow Jesus

I choose to be Holy

I choose to give all of me away

I choose to worship

I choose to love

I choose Christ

Because he chose me.

Taki